she is blonde with blue eyes, her name is amanda

the table was set with glasses that glistened off the warm yellow illuminating the table. The fire’s hot breath kept the room cozy from december’s arctic bite in Wasatch. A picturesque scene and perfect venue for a winter wedding. Tucked away at 6000 feet in a national forest with 8000 foot peaks and snow-dusted ground surrounding. I looked into her eyes, and never before had I been so captured. I had never really been attracted to blondes before. Blue eyes say so much more than brown eyes. As she locked eyes on mine, my soul was stolen, and I was teleported to the labyrinth of her thoughts, and emotions. Desire, pain, confusion, joy, frustration, and appreciation for the fleeting moment we were in. This occasion with her only comes once or twice in a lifetime. And she only comes around twice a year. the knowledge of those two thoughts made the experience relationally defining. We had decided to be exclusive despite the 9,000 mile difference between us in september, based on 3 months of knowing each other, and probably 6 dates. It’s amazing how phone communication can maintain a relationship—6 dates and 3 months of communication via telephone did not let me down. Nothing seemed to skip as we saw each other for the first time in 3 months. It actually seemed as though we were dating for 3 months. Granted not seeing each other is hard, but she is a prize worthy of the fight. Never before have I known someone so in love with being fully alive, someone who burns to engage people, life, suffering, Jesus, and culture. Someone who knows what it is to have and to lack, someone who has paid a price of 6 years of hard work for her dreams which are now coming true. Someone who has chosen to live in a country of darkness, and have little so that light can shine and others can have hope in Jesus. Never have a met anyone such a mystery worth pursuing who challenges me, Never have a met someone who does not want the American dream of a house, 3 kids and a dog in suburbia. Never before has my similar sentiments and lack of desire for a 9-5, lemming, cookie-cutter job, and cookie-cutter life – which has left me so confused—made so much sense. Never before have I felt so free with someone while I try to figure out the direction of my life. Never before has life been this hard, but so good. When I met, her, I knew she was leaving in 3 months for grad school. Im not sure why I didn t care. She was a mystery I had to pursue I guess when you are so enticed by a person or a thing you don’t care about circumstances logic. I didn’t care if she responded or not, in fact I didn’t expect her to the way she was apathetic. For some strange reason, after a handful of dates, and 3 weeks of indifference she had a breaking point. And I had found it. Or so her friend talked to her and opened her eyes to see what she was passing up with me and she decided she would give me and give this a chance.

travels of 2008

February: - San Francisco/Napa California
March: - Massachusetss: boston/worcester & Providence Rhode Island
April: -Yosemite National Park/Ripon California
June: - Humboldt county (Eureka)/Santa Cruz California
July: - Indianapolis/Anderson Indiana; Ogunquit Maine/Boston/Central Massachusetts
- Austin Texas, El Paso Texas; Las Crucas New Mexico
September: - Dallas Texas
- Portland Oregon
- San Francisco California/Danville California
October:- Orlando Florida
- Columbia South Carolina
November: - Chicago Illinois
December: - Salt Lake City Utah
- Columbia/Myrtle Beach/Charleston South Carolina; Charlotte North Carolina

top music from 2008

(in no particular order)
These are albums that i continually find myself wanting to listen to.

The Presets - Apocalypso
MGMT - Oracle Spectacular
The Faint - Faciination
Grouper - Dragging a Dead Deer Uphill
Sputnik Monroe - "We're Doomed" The Great Depression Pt 1
Foals - Antidotes
TV On The Radio - Dear Science
M83 - Saturdays = Youth
Faunts - Remixed
Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
Josh Garrels - Jacaranda
Mogwai - The Hawk is Howling
The Notwist - The Devil, You + Me
Paper Route - Are We All Forgotten
Sigur Ros - Med sud i eyrum vid spilum endalaust
Thrice - The Alchemy Index: Earth & Air
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
Great Lake Swimmers - Hands in Dirty Ground

My Heart Grieves...

because...

- the church has been lulled to sleep and deceived
- 3700 babies are aborted in the us every day -- 1 every 24 seconds
- 50 million dreams of God have been destroyed since 1973
- the hearts of fathers are not for their children
- Liberals will pass the bill to legalize the abortion of babies but wont mandate programs to counsel mother's who cant live with the grief and pain of what they have done.
- from what I have seen, (generally speaking) the church has had the same spirit of bitterness and pride that the rest of America has, and has pointed fingers instead of interceding for our Nation's leadership.
- character and integrity in leadership mean nothing to voters in America
- Americans vote in ignorance
- fellow brothers and sisters in Christ put more hope in government than in our God
- fellow brothers and sisters in Christ want to exchange righteousness for rights
- the church has forgotten true intimacy with Jesus
- the church has failed in giving, resulting in thousands--maybe millions-- looking to government to supply their needs
- Church leaders not taken a stand for righteousness for fear of offending and losing people
- Per Obama's progressive stance on the healthcare and the Hyde amendment, my tax dollars and your tax dollars may go towards mother's abortions.
- America is cursed with a lust for money, and among other things will worship a man in leadership more than a creator who formed us and fashioned us out of love.
- the poor in this country do not know that they are more blessed than the CEO's and top executives of fortune 500 companies.

and in the end.
this life should be the culmination of thousands of countless ones who's lives were shaken up, who's sense of purpose, who's understanding of love, who's understanding of God has increased.

His Grace has saved me, His mercy is boundless, His love beckons me.

between valleys

like eagles born waiting 6 months to fly,
23 years: a patience souvenir
there's fog over this sheltered path
wilderness everywhere now
no end in sight
daddy, lead me home
surrender now, I'll surrender.

4 months of 2008, and into my 24th year

I am turning 23. and going to yosemite this weekend. probably one of the best ways i could imagine to celebrate my golden birthday.

by many standards I am very young, but by my own standard, I am getting old. The good news is that I really am beginning to sense that I truly am in the Lords hands, he has ordered my steps, I am believing my 24th year, this year in 2008 to be the best year of my life so far.

In the last four months, I have had numerous people tell me that my prayers for them have been answered, I have had the privelage of laying hands on a woman with arthritis in her wrist, and seeing her healed completely, and I have also had many people tell me that my prayers over them have been prophetic. God is amazing, it is only by His grace that I should see and be a part of such things. to Him be the glory.


I am sort of at the crossroads right now, looking for a new job knowing that i am destined to do something that i really am not excited about. But in this i rejoice, because my job is not the end of the road, it is this discontent that helps me continue my focus on the Lord and asking Him questions. At the same time it is opportunity for me to worship and work for him. I sort of take refuge in that. knowing that I am working for him, it helps me to be motivated.

I am co-leading a prayer group on monday nights. This has been a great opportunity to see the kingdom, and ask for more of it. This is where I have had the privelage of learning to hear the Lords voice and give prophetic words, and where people have been healed as we have layed hands on them. It is also a place where I have found and given encouragement. The Lord really moves there. It is amazing to be a part of that. It is amazing that he works through us and wants to partner with us for His kingdom on this earth. What a privelage.

I receieved a prophetic word monday night at an African American church down in Crenshaw CA. I was told that new annointings wait for me, and that what I have been asking for is going to be answered this year. Additionally the Lord will grant me what I ask as I continue to pray and press in this year. All I want is just to be able to minister and play music.

I pray that he would open those doors to do that full time.

I just started a new musical project with 2 other guys. It is kind of a shoegaze/experimental/electronic progressive project. I am excited. We are playing our second show April 25. I get to use my electribe, and play drums. and create choas on stage. More importantly, I get a chance to connect with people and see the kingdom come after playing. The music isnt important. People want love, encouragement, acceptance, hope, but most importantly Jesus, more than they want what we could collectively produce onstage with our talents. To forget this is to fail i think with my calling.

My attitudes towards work and activities are starting to change. Matt 6:33 "seek ye first the kingdom...all these things shall be added unto you" is really capturing my heart and my thoughts. I am coming to a place where I want everything I have to be for the kingdom. My going, my coming, my activities, my possessions, my work, everything should be done to further advance the kingdom. Nothing should be an end in itself except to see God's love for his children be realized again and again by those who are searching, and those in need. I think this is what it means to live to our fullest -- to walk and live like this.

I cant wait for what is in store for the rest of this year. I am excited for what the Lord has for you this year. Bless you.