The city’s twilight: suburbia's goodbye

The Lights gleam and autos roar
We are nameless
Just strangers lost in the crowd
Though we’ve always been known before
Twilight in the city is far from
The suburbs we used to know

Colonial houses, monotonous yards.
Apartment complexes
And white picket fences.
With parking garages
at least 10 miles from the freeway
Which may or may not have cars.
And street musicians
Never see
The mothers dropping kids off at school
And homeless drunks
Now the norm.
Strip malls and patches of forest
Now dives, and a concrete slabs
A nightlife never once before.

And the desert children ponder,
They always wonder
What goes on the south side of the mountains
After dusk
where freeways choke
when 12 strikes the 4
until 8
4 ticks more.

They’ll never know,
Until they grow tired
Tired of window glaring
Tired of being caged
In the sea of identical
And want to move on
And become alive.

so far, in 2009, word of the day is losing its reputation.
today's word: abstinence. Yesterday's word: zealous. Really? i learned those two words in elementary school. What happened to the good days of words like: Tetchy, pusillanimous, or brobdingnagian

LA is fun, i think its over though. Its time to move on and do something more with myself.

I ate a nectarine today. along with salad. I am trying to eat healthier.

I am:
tired of not having stable work.
tired of sitting in front of a computer today
hoping and praying Korea will work out in March.
loving hot chip's the warning cd
missing amanda, wishing she was with me
missing mom and dad -- more than usual for being out of their house for 5 years.
wishing i was a better writer.
going to make a phone call.

end.

a year looking back

Here has been some notable experiences in 2008:

-lost my job
-filed unemployment
-said goodbye to the house where i grew up
-said goodbye to the state where i grew up
-travels to Texas, NorCal, Oregon, Illinois, Indiana, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Mexico, South Carolina, and North Carolina
-got a new job
-quit my new job
-saw the redwood trees
-surfed in jeans in santa cruz CA
-saw yosemite NP
-applied and got accepted to seminary
-did a mission trip in watts
-declined on going to seminary
-saw my best friend get married
-was the best man in a wedding
-met a rad girl by surprise
-pursued rad girl,
-was ignored by rad girl
-eventually rad girl became girlfriend
-went to salt lake city with rad girl for a wedding
-entered serious long distance relationship with rad girl
-decided my time in LA is coming to a close; decided i want to teach english overseas in 2009
-started reading/writing and journaling again consistently
-got my first ipod
-had my first christmas away from the home where I grew up.
-realized that home is the people you are with, not a place
-discovered great music
-was let down by new music
-met many new friends

looking forward to what 2009 brings

she is blonde with blue eyes, her name is amanda

the table was set with glasses that glistened off the warm yellow illuminating the table. The fire’s hot breath kept the room cozy from december’s arctic bite in Wasatch. A picturesque scene and perfect venue for a winter wedding. Tucked away at 6000 feet in a national forest with 8000 foot peaks and snow-dusted ground surrounding. I looked into her eyes, and never before had I been so captured. I had never really been attracted to blondes before. Blue eyes say so much more than brown eyes. As she locked eyes on mine, my soul was stolen, and I was teleported to the labyrinth of her thoughts, and emotions. Desire, pain, confusion, joy, frustration, and appreciation for the fleeting moment we were in. This occasion with her only comes once or twice in a lifetime. And she only comes around twice a year. the knowledge of those two thoughts made the experience relationally defining. We had decided to be exclusive despite the 9,000 mile difference between us in september, based on 3 months of knowing each other, and probably 6 dates. It’s amazing how phone communication can maintain a relationship—6 dates and 3 months of communication via telephone did not let me down. Nothing seemed to skip as we saw each other for the first time in 3 months. It actually seemed as though we were dating for 3 months. Granted not seeing each other is hard, but she is a prize worthy of the fight. Never before have I known someone so in love with being fully alive, someone who burns to engage people, life, suffering, Jesus, and culture. Someone who knows what it is to have and to lack, someone who has paid a price of 6 years of hard work for her dreams which are now coming true. Someone who has chosen to live in a country of darkness, and have little so that light can shine and others can have hope in Jesus. Never have a met anyone such a mystery worth pursuing who challenges me, Never have a met someone who does not want the American dream of a house, 3 kids and a dog in suburbia. Never before has my similar sentiments and lack of desire for a 9-5, lemming, cookie-cutter job, and cookie-cutter life – which has left me so confused—made so much sense. Never before have I felt so free with someone while I try to figure out the direction of my life. Never before has life been this hard, but so good. When I met, her, I knew she was leaving in 3 months for grad school. Im not sure why I didn t care. She was a mystery I had to pursue I guess when you are so enticed by a person or a thing you don’t care about circumstances logic. I didn’t care if she responded or not, in fact I didn’t expect her to the way she was apathetic. For some strange reason, after a handful of dates, and 3 weeks of indifference she had a breaking point. And I had found it. Or so her friend talked to her and opened her eyes to see what she was passing up with me and she decided she would give me and give this a chance.

travels of 2008

February: - San Francisco/Napa California
March: - Massachusetss: boston/worcester & Providence Rhode Island
April: -Yosemite National Park/Ripon California
June: - Humboldt county (Eureka)/Santa Cruz California
July: - Indianapolis/Anderson Indiana; Ogunquit Maine/Boston/Central Massachusetts
- Austin Texas, El Paso Texas; Las Crucas New Mexico
September: - Dallas Texas
- Portland Oregon
- San Francisco California/Danville California
October:- Orlando Florida
- Columbia South Carolina
November: - Chicago Illinois
December: - Salt Lake City Utah
- Columbia/Myrtle Beach/Charleston South Carolina; Charlotte North Carolina

top music from 2008

(in no particular order)
These are albums that i continually find myself wanting to listen to.

The Presets - Apocalypso
MGMT - Oracle Spectacular
The Faint - Faciination
Grouper - Dragging a Dead Deer Uphill
Sputnik Monroe - "We're Doomed" The Great Depression Pt 1
Foals - Antidotes
TV On The Radio - Dear Science
M83 - Saturdays = Youth
Faunts - Remixed
Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
Josh Garrels - Jacaranda
Mogwai - The Hawk is Howling
The Notwist - The Devil, You + Me
Paper Route - Are We All Forgotten
Sigur Ros - Med sud i eyrum vid spilum endalaust
Thrice - The Alchemy Index: Earth & Air
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
Great Lake Swimmers - Hands in Dirty Ground

My Heart Grieves...

because...

- the church has been lulled to sleep and deceived
- 3700 babies are aborted in the us every day -- 1 every 24 seconds
- 50 million dreams of God have been destroyed since 1973
- the hearts of fathers are not for their children
- Liberals will pass the bill to legalize the abortion of babies but wont mandate programs to counsel mother's who cant live with the grief and pain of what they have done.
- from what I have seen, (generally speaking) the church has had the same spirit of bitterness and pride that the rest of America has, and has pointed fingers instead of interceding for our Nation's leadership.
- character and integrity in leadership mean nothing to voters in America
- Americans vote in ignorance
- fellow brothers and sisters in Christ put more hope in government than in our God
- fellow brothers and sisters in Christ want to exchange righteousness for rights
- the church has forgotten true intimacy with Jesus
- the church has failed in giving, resulting in thousands--maybe millions-- looking to government to supply their needs
- Church leaders not taken a stand for righteousness for fear of offending and losing people
- Per Obama's progressive stance on the healthcare and the Hyde amendment, my tax dollars and your tax dollars may go towards mother's abortions.
- America is cursed with a lust for money, and among other things will worship a man in leadership more than a creator who formed us and fashioned us out of love.
- the poor in this country do not know that they are more blessed than the CEO's and top executives of fortune 500 companies.